Woke up this morning in a good mood, ready to start the day, hopeful for good things.
But truth be told, that feeling didn't last very long. Sometimes all it takes is the smallest little event to change my mood entirely. Today, it was being "unliked" on Facebook. Seems like when you put yourself out there for all to see, you have to be ready for some to not like you. And on the internet its much more obvious than in real life because there aren't the same social rules upheld. It can be cruel and cold because no one has to look anyone in the eye. I'm so, so sensitive and it makes me mad. Where others would turn and fight, I give up and turn on the self doubt/pitty. I Would've almost stop blogging entirely just because a few people unlike me (I hate Facebook), forgetting that there are some who really do like my blog. Who actually look forward to reading it and tell me so. Those are the people I write for. But I have trouble remembering the good things and only truly believe the negative.
Sometimes its hard for me to stay positive. Sometimes its easier and more satisfying to feel like I've done all I can and my "failures" are not my fault- to blame any saddness on someone else, something else. To give in and hash up everything thats ever gone wrong, everything I handled poorly, everything that could've been something but wasn't. And I find myself there, in THAT, more often than I care to admit. I truly hope you don't find yourself there too, but if you do, I thought I'd write a little something about what I do that helps in hopes that you might share what you do, too. Maybe we can kick this together?
First step for me is to realize what I'm doing. I've gotten better at recognizing the thoughts that pop up like cancer and grow as long as I'm careful to feed them. I obsess and repeat a single negative idea. I am so close to it that I can be neck deep before I even realize it. Then, its a matter of convincing myself I don't have to feel this way, that I have control of my thoughts, what enters, what leaves and I literally imagine myself throwing them out the window of a moving car. Every one of them. You see, there was a girl once, who happens to be a great friend of mine, that told me everything we do is a choice and it was the most amazing, liberating thing I've ever learned. Its simple and probably blindingly obvious to most, but to me, it was life changing. I remember my response was--but you can't choose what happens to you. That's 100% correct, and terrible things happen unfairly. It took me awhile to realize that the important thing is you can choose how you handle the things that happen to you. You can choose to let it dominate you, or you can choose to live.
Then I make myself stop. Eat if I need to (because my moods are very tied to my blood sugar). Breathe. Get some perspective. Just be calm for a moment. Remove the negative.
I then find something positive to focus on. I take time to thank God for all the gifts in my life (because there are many). I remember something good that someone said. Look at a picture that brings back good memories. Think of why I'm a valid and worthy person. Reset myself. Start over. TURN AND FIGHT.
So today, instead of rolling over and accepting defeat, I invited more friends to "like" my blog. Instead of putting my blog aside, I decided to share more (oh lucky you:). I feel refreshed and happy-ish again, renewed in my resolve to find my self-worth not on the pages of Facebook, or even on this blog, but somewhere much less fickle. In God, in myself, in my family.
What about you? Do you notice any patterns in the way you think that may tend to enable negativity in your life? How do you handle set backs, rejection? I'm so, so bad at it....Wish I could laugh. Just laugh it all off;)
Thanks for listening. I really hope this wasn't a total downer....